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Another new year, another new post

I didn’t realize that it had been so long since I wrote in this blog.  I guess I am just not cut out for this blogging stuff.  But, let’s give it another shot, ok?

Goodbye 2009, you were the worst year of my life.  So many bad things happened; I wish I could erase you from my memories.  I hate sounding so negative all the time.  I do enjoy my life and the good times I have.  But there is no denying that the last year was a no good, horrible, awful year.

I haven’t written in a really long time.  The main thing is/was that things were so very horrible I did not want to dwell on them.  Or even think too much about everything that was happening.  I admit that I lost myself in all the horrible crap that happened in 2009.  I stopped doing a lot of the things that I enjoyed, I didn’t knit or crochet, hardly scrapbooked.  Pretty much the only thing I kept doing was reading and I continued doing that because I have always been able to lose myself in a good book.

November 2, 2009 after a horrible year of fighting against CNS Lymphoma my wonderful mother died.  I know I will never be the same.

mom's high school graduation picture

I don’t think I’m ready to put into words everything that I am feeling and all the emotions I am dealing with.  I would like to say that if anyone is dealing with Central Nervous System Lymphoma or knows someone who is affected by this disease, please, feel free to contact me.

2010 is going to be the year where I put myself and my happiness first.  2009 I spent so much time trying to take care of everyone else that I have forgotten to take care of myself.  This year I turn 30 and I would like to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually happier that I was in 2009.  I need to get back to caring for and about myself.  I need to eat healthier, exercise more, and sleep better.  I want to craft more.  I want to write more whether that is in a public forum or a private journal.  I don’t think of these things so much as New Year’s Resolutions, but as a new outlook on life.

mom and me 2006


More of the same.

My New Year resolution: “to better my life”. Vague, yes? It’s done on purpose. I just want my life to improve, in whatever way it can. Let’s just hope that 2009 is better in some way then 2008 was.

I have a few crafty projects to show off and of course the camera is currently down for the count. I have a new hat, scarf, and mostly completed vest. Oh, wait, it’s been so long since I took pictures of my projects, I also have a cowl and another hat too. I haven’t even been keeping up with my ravelry page.

I got a new baby nephew for Christmas. I call him Baby J. Because I don’t really care too much for his actual given name. Or I call him JC (for Jesus Christ and JC are his initials). He’s a pretty big guy (born at 9 lbs 9 ounces). He looks more like a 3 month old then a newborn.

Last time I wrote Mom was doing pretty well. I should have knocked on wood. The last chemo was really hard on mom. In December she spent half the month in the hospital. She spent a week in the hospital for the chemo. Then she was out less then 48 hours when she had a big seizure. It was scary as all hell. My dad came running to get me. We had to call 911 and they took her away on an ambulance. She wasn’t coming out of the seizure very well. Her vital statistics were crazy and she while she was opening her eyes; she just wasn’t “there”. So she spent her birthday and another week in the hospital. They decided that maybe her brain was still experiencing some swelling, or maybe it was the chemo, or the radiation, that caused the seizure. Because of the seizure the docs decided to put her on a much higher dosage of steroids and anti-seizure medicine. Well the steroids at high dosage actually deteriorate thigh muscles. The seizure meds have a side effect of loss of coordination. I am sure you can imagine the fun we have been having. Mom was having trouble walking and moving around already, and now things have gotten a hell of a lot worse. On top of these lovely effects, the steroids have been making mom’s blood sugar go crazy. We’ve now got the fun of insulin shots 4 times a day. Mom hasn’t had a chemo treatment since the beginning of Dec. because the doctors said she was too weak and wanted to give her some time to build up her strength (ha!). Last night I was woken up at a quarter to 4 because mom couldn’t get up. She was in the basement and had been sleeping on the couch and went to get up and just couldn’t. She crawled to the stairs and banged on the wall until I got up. Then I was able to get my dad to help her. It’s hard for me to admit, but I only weigh 100 pounds and mom weighs 50 pounds more, there are times when I just cannot help her. My dad was trying to help her up when he dropped her and knocked her head into the wall (today there is a bruise on the side of her face and lump on the back of her head). Luckily we woke my brother up and he’s a strong guy and was able to help as well.

I am not even going to go into the fun of Christmas and the stress that was. Let’s just say I got to do all the Christmas shopping for my parents, clean the entire house for 50 people to come over, and care for mom and my 1 year old niece (I had her while my sister was in the hospital giving birth to Baby J) at the same time.

I know, I am a whining complaining bitch. Ah well…